9.33am , 3rd January 2011, Monday....

I'm sitting on my office desk... Trying to source out more contacts and clients to meet...

I'm beginning to hate this job more and more..

As much as I try to lie to myself , instilling false hope and giving false encouragement to myself..

That I will grow to appreciate the job...

Ultimately, the truth remained, they are all still false...

I told myself I can adept... and I will strive to do better in year 2011...

But only the first day of the new year in my office...

I feeling way "worser" than last year....

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!

I want a real job! I want a real life!

These are some photos from our latest Christmas Youth Concert 2010! ... Was a blast... had a new hair cut which quite a few said is not my style :P While I was at Derek's, I was like... whatever... do whatever you think might look Ying on me la... for once in my life make me bit "ya" i dun mind la :P

and finally..... =3

Jacko signing in after 2 years +.. must be a habit of mine... blog blog blog... stopped 2 years ... den come back blog blog blog again.... (inspired by Josh Groban's album trends... Publish new album... go for a 3 years hiatus and den next thing you know it... his back with a new album... and den off for his 3years hiatus again) :D

Well... I just happened to pop in since mom's started her own blog yesterday... Well i figured.. what the heck... I could just come in and write whenever I feel like it!

Maybe... How long will this last... I'm not sure... if u see me posting tmr means it will last another day... if not... well .. that's that =3

Wee.... 2 more weeks till semester finish! It's like I'm taking forever to graduate... Yes, people around me are already asking when am I gonna graduate ah? Still studying ah? You working already rite?

NOOO!!! I'M STILL STUDYING AND I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHEN I'M GONNA FREAKING GRADUATE... YEP! I'VE FAILED SOME SUBJECTS THEREFORE I'M LIKE PERHAPS 1 OR 2 SEMESTERS SLOWER THAN MY PEERS? YOU THINK I DUN WANNA LEAVE THIS WRETCHES PLACE? IF I COULD I WOULD HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE AGES AGO! NEVER REALLY LIKED THIS PLACE, NEVER REALLY ENJOYED A SINGLE BIT OF IT, ALL I WANT IS JUST TO GRADUATE! AND THAN I MIGHT DIE PEACEFULLY...


anyways... if i'm really able to pass every single 3rd year subject and electives from now on... (which I strongly doubt) I will need another 4 sems to leave this place... who cares about being in the dean list, or getting 3.5 CGPA, or getting 1st class or 2nd upper class degree... I don't even care if i just get a general degree.. i just wanna leave!!!

THEN PERHAPS I COULD FOCUS ON MY DREAMS, MY LIFE IN THE PERFORMING SCENE...

THEN PERHAPS I CAN FINALLY CATCH A BREATH AND FINALLY DO WHAT I LIKE WITHOUT BEING BOGGED DOWN BY COLLEGE STUFF...

THEN PERHAPS I COULD FINALLY HAVE A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY TRIP TO ENGLAND, THE EUROPE, THE STATES AND WHAT NOT WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT THE STUPID SEMESTER STARTING AFTER THE PATHETICALLY SHORT BREAK...

THEN PERHAPS I CAN COMMIT MYSELF TO ROMANCE WITHOUT WORRIES...

THEN PERHAPS I COULD BE THE ME AGAIN BEFORE COLLEGE LIFE, CAREFREE AND HAPPY GO LUCKY....


indeed.... perhaps.... perhaps not... watever.....

I miss her..... =D Will she come back?! hehe....

Found this note in FB... I guess it kinda make sense... Let me assure all the females out there, that most guys strive to work to the "perfect BF" , but yes no one's perfect... so its good to hope and dream.. if the bf you have do have 5 points consistent to the list below.... Thank God :)

p/s: where the heck are all those "ideal GF list", i've seen millions of "perfect bg", but no guys seem to expect anything from their girl? well that proves guys are either couldn't care less; or they just merely love you for who you are? :)


The kind of bf that every girl would dreams of:)

When you break her heart - [ the pain NEVER really goes away ]
When she misses you - [ she's hurting inside ]

When she says its over - [ she STILL wants you to be hers ] When she re-posts this bulletin - [ she wants you to read it ]

When she walks away from you mad - [ Follow her]
When she stare's at your mouth - [ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you - [ Grab her and don’t let go ] When she starts cursing at you - [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she ignores you - [ Give her your attention]
When she pulls away - [ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst - [ Tell her she's beautiful ] When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word ]

When you see her walking - [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared - [ Protect her ]

When she lays her head on your shoulder - [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ] When she steals your favorite hat - [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she teases you - [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt - [ Back yourself up with the TRUTH] When she says that she likes you - [ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grabs at your hands - [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
When she bumps into you - [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tells you a secret - [ keep it safe and untold ] When she looks at you in your eyes - [ don’t look away until she does ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
-DON'T let her have the last word

-DON'T call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is soo much better - Say you love her more than she could ever love you

- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's OK don’t believe it, talk with her - because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you - Tease her and let her tease you back

-Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid

- Give her the world - Let her wear your clothes

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important

- Kiss her in the pouring rain - When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

THE TAG CELOK-er HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!!
Celok from Joanni~

1. I tag...
You!!

2.Describe urself in one word.
Psycho

3. Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
Don't know already la.... Do the both really exist?

4. Have you ever loved someone before but never had the courage to tell him/her?
Yes, only got the courage to tell her after someone else got her... hehe

5. How if people reject your confess face to face?
I haven't really confessed face to face..

6. God is giving u just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven, IF you love someone special, what will you say to that person?
Wherever you go, whatever you do... I will be right here waiting for you..

7. What will u say to a person who doesn't want to believe u?
Say nothing. What more is there to say?

8. Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
Always been learning.. its a never ending process.

9. What' your opinion about someone who's jealous?
The attribute that turns me off most.

10. Do you have something special with you all the time?
Does my Laptop count?

[[ * PART 2 * ]]

Best place to cry?
On my pillows.

Who do you love the most?
God

Tell us of your dream last night?
I was in this resort that has this Zoo at the top floor next to a beach, and suddenly a huge tsunami struck the building and I felt everything la... water gushing, building shaking, people and animals drowning. Morbid yes...

Ever hated someone so bad?
Not yet, but don't try me

The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?
I love you.

The last person you had a beer with?
Alone during a Liverpool match last year maybe? (Carlsberg ma... must la becoz they sponsor Liverpool XD)

The last person you went to the movies with?
Bro and Kevin, went to watch Max Payne I think! A total let down XD

The last person you talked on the cell phone with?
Huey Sing, she la sms her 3-4 messages all x receive! waste my credit!

The last person you hugged?
hmmmm I think is was Huey Sing too XD was attempting thru the car window hug! XD failed...

The last person you yelled at?
cant remember... must be many moons ago since I raised my voice.

In the last week have you kissed someone?
Pillow counts?

Danced crazy?
Come my concert and you'll see the true meaning of dance crazy.

Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
Don't remember.

If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

Kill someone mercilessly and revive him/her anew just for the fun and experience of it! XD

If you could have an all expense paid trip, where will you go?
All round Europe, Italy, France, UK den to Greece!! XD

Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
I'd blackmail Michael Buble to the extend that he'll come sing in our concert!

Are you old fashioned?
Maybe maybe... on certain issues/ways.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
I think both are kacang.

What would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
Where do I begin..............

Five facts About Me:-
Wacko
Fat
Morbid
A Geek with a Nerd face
Gentle-man?


Five things that scares me:-
Bugs (especially those without legs or more den 8 legs)
Unending Traffic Jams
Liverpool down by 3 goals during half time
Being Fat
Countless Assignments!


Two Songs Playing in My Head Lately:-
1.Every time we Touch (Cascada)
2.Our Last Summer from Ma Ma Mia the movie (especially the 2 sentences Pierce Brosnan sung)
-I am so lucky we have met.. It was the age of no regreee--tta XD

Five Things I treasure in My Life:-
1. My treasure box of Letters/Cards
2. My treasure box of Performance Related Stuff
3. My treasure box of Sentimental Tokens/Objects/Gifts
4. My treasure box of Photos and Memories
5. My PC/Laptop

Two "First Time" in My Life:-
1.Relationship
2.Break up

Show time starts today... somehow I don't feel as keen or excited as last year.... Maybe its just because I dun really like Jazz? or the fact that I dun really have anyone I know coming to the concert... Yeah, mom's surgery postponed to exactly today and since its a quite major surgery she'd most probably stay in the hospital for quite some time... even if she is discharged before Sun I wouldn't wanna push her so much to come for the concert...

Just so happen all my friends that are interested to go to the show had plans or unavoidable agendas during the exact period from 30th to 2nd Nov... So sad... :(

I only realized I was that Desperate after offering to buy Joann her ticket for the show, and in addition willing to be her transport to fetch her back to her doorstep! ...

Then again, to perform to no audience isn't performing after all... So I guess only people in my shoe get to understand how that feels... Oh well... Not that we are performing in front of an empty stage anyways...

Oh ya, at least there is one encouraging factor ... Though all those people that I kept pestering, bugging to come for the show somehow end up not able to come for some reason, while no family members, relatives, church members nor friends is coming; surprisingly, my lecturer that I just so happen past the postcard to with the least expectation of him turning up actually smsed me last night asking me to buy him four tickets!! My lecturer! Can you imagine? Not that I'm the teacher's pet or anything! XD

There goes for my 2008 YKLS production :)

Apalah!!! 16 days more to show only these people humbly "volunteered" me, huey sing and rachel to do our cast party! Chee sin wan la... hafta like organize the whole party, find budget, find venue that could provide us the freedom to do almost everything, good food, wacky games and presentations, activities etc etc in just 2 weeks time!!! XD

They are so gonna suffer I tell you!!! Watch it! XD

Thank God for arranging mom to be able to get the soonest schedule, nearest, cheapest possible yet filled with the newest medical gadgets equipped Putrajaya Hospital for her surgery. Instead of waiting til Dec 26th... now mom's surgery is scheduled on the 16th Oct... And it seems this hospital is quite detailed and well-equipped for the surgery. Praise God yea!!!

Really thank you much for all those whose faithfully praying for me mom, some even prayed for my mom on their daily prayer basis! Thank God for all of you! I trust that God would work His wondrous miracle on me mom like 11 years ago! And in my heart I too am praying for God to really touch my mom and dad that thru this event they would accept Him as their personal savior... What better way to realize how great is our Lord in heaven than what my mom had gone thru and actually got blessed and healed by the will of God. Keep praying ppl!

My next Favorite Song of the moment!!! The Call by Regina Spektor! I love her voice la... calm and soothing type... nice nice! yup its the OST from Narnia... And its nice!! To those that claiming its boring... In your face!!! XD hehe


THE CALL - Regina Spektor


It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Yes I know, the 3rd post in the same hour... I must be utterly bored with the lecture... XD actually really sleepy la... had a slight insomnia yesterday, x able to sleep dunno why...
Tried shifting down the bed and sleep on the cold hard floor... lasted for like 40min but still x sleep, den shift back up to me bed and begin turning around again... dunno why though....So now quite sleepy la.. somemore its a 8am class wei... O.o ... Zzzz... This Serenity prayer came across the lecture and I though it was quite good..


THE SERENITY PRAYER
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”


Kinda make sense la :) hehe... I guess I could apply it to my life right now la... So here's my version of the serenity prayer la..

"God grant me the serenity for my mom's condition and know that You are in control of all things, grant me the courage to not let it affect my studies, exams, assignments and performances which I could control, and wisdom to identify the difference. Amen!"


Yeah, class is ending soon... I cant wait to drive home and go back to sleep... *Yawn..*

Midterms coming wei!!!

Wednesday is my first Midterm paper lu!! Scared Scared!!!.... Let's hope I could do well so that I won't panic so much in the Finals. XD


Psychological Terms:-

1.Hardiness
- type of personality that's resistant to stress. (less stressed compared to others)

2.Type A Behaviour
- feel angry, hostile; emotions not expressed (highly competitive), sense of time urgency, difficult to relax, become impatient & angry when confronted with delays or with ppl viewed as incompetent

3.Psychoneuroimmunology
- study of how body’s immune system is affected by stress & other psychological issues.


Below is a list of stressful events that we might face and their general stress levels, it might varies to different individuals but the stress levels will be more or less following the following rankings:


Social Readjustment Rating Scale

Life Event (Stress Level)

Death of Spouse (119)
Divorce (98)
Death of Close Family member (92)
Fired at Work (79)
Personal Injury or Illness (77)
Death of a Close Friend (70)
Pregnancy (66)
Change in Financial Status (56)
Change in Work Conditions (51)
Marriage (50)
Sex Difficulties (45)
Change in Living Conditions (42)
Change in Residence (41)
Beginning or Ending of School (38)
Great Personal Achievement (37)
Change in School (35)
Trouble with Boss (29)
Revision of Personal Habits (27)
Change in Sleeping Habits (26)
Vacation (25)
Minor Violation of the Law (22)

A superb comeback from the REDs! (In your face Man City!)


Surely you would feel the same way I or every other Liverpool fans out in the world for that matter when you received an sms telling you that Liverpool is 2 goals down during half time while you rushing back from rehearsals just to catch the 2nd half of the match. I mean... Your mind would be thinking

" Oh darn, what the heck! 2 goals down, die lo this time... Chelsea's winning comfortably each week as if they've bribed every single opponent; MU is regaining their winning form (in other words, Ronaldo is back and that changed everything) ; though Arsenal's scary yet inconsistent form have yet to pose a threat to the title challenge, but then again.... Losing now would surely make a big impact in losing out to Chelsea for the title... again...."

Half-time Manchester City 2 - 0 Liverpool

Stone me if you will, but at other matches with the similar situation during half time... This so called "Liverpool fanatic" would most probably march up to bed emo-ing without bothering to watch the rest of the game becoz its already a lost cause... when Liverpool is down by 1 goal maybe still got hope la... but with the "money cheat" Man City and their expensive players and a 2 goals advantage... It would be a tough challenge to have a comeback so I thought...

But strangely this time I went to the petrol Kiosk on the way and bought my usual Jacker potato chips and went back preparing my cup of coffee/milo and sat down to watch... Something kept stirring in me that this game ain't over yet.... Call it a Liverpool fan's intuition if you like! XD

True as is seems... A first goal from the Liverpool Hottie and Star, Torres to lift the score to 2 - 1. Within the next 15minute or so Torres struck the equilizer from the perfect corner from Gerrard. (What will we do without both Gerrard and Torres.... awww)


56min Manchester City 2 - 1 Liverpool (Torres)

67min Manchester City 2 - 2 Liverpool (Torres)


Here is where to game begin, especially the moment someone got sent off from Man City after a direct tackle at Alonso which turned the night towards Liverpool! Leng zai lo this time... This is the time when Liverpool went for an all out assault and domination... Every Red shirt seemed to be at the opponent's pitch and passing and shooting non stop, creating much pressure to the 10-men team... At the late part of the game approx 87min Skrtel was badly injured in the process of shruggling the ball with another Man City player in the Liverpool penalty box. It looked really serious as he was carried out on a stretcher.. Alas, 3 substitutes of Liverpool has been used so the match went even once again with 10 vs 10 men for extra time...
It was a 6 long min of injury time due to Skrtel's injury on the pitch, which gave Liverpool plenty of time to take advantage of the scoreline... The Reds wasted no time and made use of the kick off right after the injury where Gerrard did a long-pass to Benayoun and ran past 2 defenders to the near post... Through ball back to Torres back to the middle of the penalty box which he took an instant shot, deflected by the Man City captain Dunne and a typical life saver Kuyt was at the right place in the right time and struck home that brought Liverpool to a score of 3 - 2 to Man City. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!


92min Manchester City 2 - 3 Liverpool (Kuyt)
I salute you Liverpool! Surely it proved that Liverpool could beat any team under even pressured condition (apart of the 0 - 0 draw with Hull la XD) And another conclusion we could come out through this match is also using 'money cheat" won't buy you success too .. Quotes from Alex Ferguson!! XD